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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Run Beta Run # 3

Given the strong and polarizing opinions (On and off the blog) on application of game-theory to manipulate the body into submission, I am laying down some hopefully funny ways of doing so. The usual disclaimers apply (I may not have tried all/ any of them; I get no pleasure, humanitarian or sadistic, if they do or don’t work for you; List was current at the time of printing; Subject to change without notice; Postage will be paid by the addressee; Parental guidance recommended; Colors may fade; Slippery when wet; Coffee is served hot; Objects in the rear view mirror appear closer than they are; Real life may suck):-

1. Run as far as possible before the body wakes up. Ideally, run towards an area where the only way back is by foot. If it’s raining, even better.

2. Body loves inertia. Trick it into believing that the inertia state is defined as rotating knees. Do this by running continuously for some time. Thereafter, allow it the pleasure of staying in inertia forever.

3. Body also loves procrastination. Define procrastination as delaying the next break.

4. Don’t carry more than the minimum change required to buy a drink to avoid the possibility of taking a cab back home.

5. Before the run, don’t do any stretches or any physical activity that is more intense than what is absolutely necessary to stay alive. This is so as to avoid giving the body any signal about the impending run. Thereafter, let it play catch up.

6. If the body is still not budging, perform some stretches to trick it into believing that the run is over. As soon as it relaxes, run away. You are allowed to chuckle to add to its confusion.

7. While running, don’t give the body any idea as to where it is or how long the remaining run is. Avoid looking at landmarks or the watch. Focus on the rolling 5-feet stretch of ground immediately ahead of you as if it were the last thing connecting you to this planet. If possible, develop amnesia.

8. Develop the ability to call upon an out-of-body experience whenever you want it. Have a well-deserved rest up above while your body toils below. Whip it away while you are at it.

9. For severe pain, do a Joey and mentally calculate the cubic root of 13 down to 7 decimal points. For unbearable pain, try to spot the largest prime number in the vicinity.


Anonymous said...

1 and 4 are time-tested, work for everyone. Is number 3 applicable on you... I am relating it to your post "Procrastination"???

Beta said...

Yeah. Procrastination is an old hobby. Nowadays, I do indulge in it on and off.

Anonymous said...

I switch to auto-pilot after 6 kms and after 9, I quit. I did the math and figured out that we run at the same speed but I need to built that stamina. O man! this blog is a source of inspiration, dont you quit running.

Btw I'm running to shed off those extra pounds, r u running for olympics???

Beta said...

If your objective is to shed weight, you dont need to run any harder than that.

If you want to build stamina, then my suggestion is to drop the speed a knot or two and focus on increasing either the distance or the time you run. Clearly, speed is not an issue for you; endurance is. You can build endurance at lower speeds as well. I do alternate speed training (45 mins to an hour) and long, slow, distance (LSD) training once a week (When I currently run for 18kms). Make sure to have rest days in between.

And No. Not quitting running any time soon :-)

Annoymously said...

A really funny intro, and entertaining list.

Too much testosterone flying around from all the runners here - logging off now!

DK said...

Best posting by far (and there have been some good ones) I have permission to copy & fwd to fellow runners - with credit of course - with the potential consequence of increasing your fan base (and possibly also induce some head-swelling on your part)?

You MUST read Murakami's book on running. There's a whole section on tricking your body into submission - in much the same vein but I must say less funny.

Beta said...

Thanks DK. Of course you have the permission.

Next trip to a bookstore is overdue now.