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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

For sheer driving pleasure

Past weekend, I drove about a thousand kms for a memorable trip. But this post is not as much about the trip as about the road (non)sense going on around me. To be fair, I might have also contributed to it but I will choose to ignore that at my discretion.

Let us start with the ubiquitous trailers. In the context of driving, Trailers are species that like to smell others' asses and contrary to my prior-belief, the number of trailers on the road is exponentially proportional to the overall traffic. Consider this, you are driving in the top-speed lane which is going at 100+ with a lot of cars in front and behind. Herein arrives a Trailer who can see that there are miles and miles of cars bumper to bumper but he still wants to overtake you (probably to smell the next ass upfront). The middle lane is obviously going slow and you would rather drive at 100+ than move aside. There is nothing you can do but be agitated by this trailer. His nose is right under your smokey behind and you are afraid that in the event of braking, he is going to go "up yours". For a moment, you consider braking just a bit to bring him to his senses but it doesnt help that he is driving a beat-up lorry while you are driving a GTI.

The opposite of a trailer is an idiot. An idiot is the guy who is driving in top speed lane but is driving too slow. He is merrily oblivious of the traffic behind him and doesnt even get the hint when a lot of cars, in direct violation to their basic survival instincts, are forced to overtake from the left. They can all go to hell and back, for all he cares; he is going to drive at the speed he is comfortable with (nothing wrong with it) and he will drive in the top-speed lane (bloody idiot). In my opinion, such people should be reclassified as sub-human species with their licenses revoked till such time as they naturally evolve into humans over millions of years or go extinct (more likely).

Somewhere in between, are the Smartasses. These are people who THINK they are smarter than the rest. Dont we have enough of them in daily life? Well, they are just as common on road too. They think they can beat the market. They stare at the traffic ahead and take it as a challenge to barge their way through. They will cut lanes without indicators; all the way left, then all the way right and sometimes into the emergency lane as well. Oftentimes, I wonder if they drive more sideways than forwards. Infact, I personally know a smartass very well who is, thankfully, leaving the city for good. I couldnt feel safer while driving.

I was thinking about some punchlines that these guys could put on their car. See below:

If you dont like the way I am driving:
- get off the road
- stop trailing me
- get a life
- that makes two of us
- take a number
- Huh?

Any further suggestions?


Anonymous said...

if you dont like way im driving:-

1) im sorry. there is nothing i can do abt it.
2) Its Ok. Im driving a GTI anyway. :):):)

ill continue more later


thegajman said...

you missed a category... let's call them the "brake dancers". they're the type who have a heavy foot... drive at very high rpms all the time. even in traffic... leading to higher fuel consumption, hard braking so higher brake pad wear out, higher brake oil consumption and a very uncomfortable drive. you fit well in this category! :)

Beta said...

LeeAnn - I dont belong to any of those three categories so I wouldnt put up with your second suggestion.

Gajman - Next time, make sure to bring your Merc along because you are not getting any ride in the GTI for sure.