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Monday, February 02, 2009

What are you talking about?

This is the first response to anything that resembles bad news, juicy gossip, non-fatal shock, harmless speculation, utter incomprehension, or simple bewilderment.

This is also the first response when one is confronted with rhetorical questions or accusation of theft, rape, murder, pillage, genocide or all of them.

This is the only phrase known to mankind which when combined with appropriate facial contours can take on a million and a half different meaning.

This is the only phrase known to mankind which can lend itself to different meanings to different individuals.

This is my favorite phrase.

Though, I was talked into making this my favorite phrase.

You must be wondering, What am I talking about?

That, my friends, could be a sign of incomprehension if you haven’t followed a single word so far. It could signify bewilderment if you were lost in the unintentionally simple sentences. It could mean a humorous twist if you are still with me.

Let’s see some example of dexterous usage of this phrase to get out of life-threatening situations:

Has your girl-friend ever asked you if her dress made her look fat? You should furrow your eye-brows and say WAYTA in a phonetically trailing manner.

Has your boss ever cornered you on something you were supposed to have completed last week? Try to resemble an owl with both your eyes wide open and as circular as possible. Then utter WAYTA, with an emphasis on W.

Have you found yourself in the middle of a debate not knowing how to argue your point? Act bored and slur out WAYTA with a yawn timed right in the middle of it.

Have you found yourself at the receiving end of a joke not knowing how to retort? Repeat the previously mentioned step and instead of a yawn, add a condescending smile. Raising your left eye-brow will be a plus.

Have you been accused of smoking when the evidence was in your hands? Look scandalized and shout at the top of your lungs, WAYTA.

Have you been sufficiently embarrassed to the brink of pink on being caught ogling at/by a girl/ guy? Say WAYTA in an exasperated manner and add ‘No, really’ at the end of it with a question mark.

Have you ever been at the receiving end of a long monologue, the meaning of which was lost on you at “Hello”? Say WAYTA and politely ask the speaker to repeat him/herself. Don’t forget to apologize.

The above is guaranteed to work or you can have your phrase back.


Annoymously said...

What are you talking about? ;-)

Annoymously said...

Funny read, quite a hoot! So who talked u into it??

Meanwhile, suggest you add this disclaimer at the bottom of your post...& before u say WAYTA?? this is just friendly advice

Author not responsible for possible repercussions after use of WAYTA, namely:
1 - You may lose your girlfriend
2- You may lose your job
3- You may be fined for smoking
4- U may be never again invited to a party/ debate/ social function, ever!
5- u may find yourself behind bars for eve-teasing

Anonymous said...

you can follow up all these rhetoric with -- "WTF" are you talking about?

this adds more impact generally

Annoymously said...

Btw, how many of these have happened to you Beta? Do tell...

Beta said...

Well, that person didnt want to share the credit. So, he remains anonymous.

Anonymous - WTF is to be added when you have a genuine reason to ask the question and generally can be used in situations entirely opposite to the ones I mentioned. Eg. if your subordinate tells you that he is behind, you are well advised to use WTF. On the other hand, if you use WTF on your girl friend...Whoops. Get the picture?

Annoy - A few have happened to me but I didnt see the common thread till recently.